Learning to Be Me

As my profile says I got out of long term relationship which was 14 years long. I am still not sure what happened to make us split but there was a lot of things that just never really allowed us to be ourselves.

Somewhere along the way I lost who I was beyond a mother so when we split I kind of withdrew into myself to find who I was but that is almost impossible to do when you still live in the same house with your ex. Things were difficult and they finally came to a head in June when I was told to get out.

So July found me and my pets living in my van. Spent a week on a friend's couch while I finished up a week of work then down to Kentucky to a friend's place there for what was suppose to be a weekend but turned into almost two weeks before heading back to PA for a month.

In that month I learned a lot. Being alone can bring up all sorts of demons you hadn't truly faced when they first happened. Emotions can run hot and cold. Depression can dampen your soul so much that you don't think you can go on. If it hadn't been for my pets I am not sure what I would have done.

But being in this situation also has shown me who my real friends are and that has meant a lot. I don't have to put on an act anymore to make anyone feel comfortable. I have found a certain strength deep inside myself that I had forgotten I ever had.

I've learned that zucchini makes it's own type of glue to heal itself if left a bit after being cut.
I've learned how to fix many items using a bar-b-que and wood. I can bake muffins. That was a fun experiment.
I've learned that kindness still exists in the world and in many forms.
I've learned that nothing can't be achieved if you just put your mind to the task.
I've learned that having a support system is essential for well being
I've learned to sleep in different locals and sometimes sitting up.
I've learned that having hot flashes suck in the summer inside a vehicle.
I've learned that I look younger and more attractive when I have no hair.
I've learned the art of believing in the Universe.
I've learned how to appreciate the beauty around me.
I've learned how to be still in a rushing world.

I am still learning but with each sunrise something new is waiting for me to find it. My next stop is Oklahoma where I should meet up with my dad for a bit. Hopefully we can design some storage for the van so it doesn't keep looking like a bomb went off in it.

My home for the moment








Jo

Grey: The New Adventure

Things had been stagnant for sometime. The job is just in name only. I mean the only time I get paid is when I do a training video now and then for a few dollars. Mercury in retro grade did its job and now I have only days left at my place of residence but like the title says a new adventure is upon me.

The first good thing is that I now have a vehicle. A van to be exact so at the very least I will have a rolling home and lots of people are now living on the road why not me?

Two my dad, bless his soul, loaned me the money to buy the van and then some to keep me on my feet until I can get where I am suppose to go. I asked my friends on Face book where I should go and the response has been great.

The fear of things I once had has seemed to have evaporated into nothing. There is nothing for me to fear for the main fear has happened. To be tossed out with no job, no savings, no love, and at one point no vehicle.

I should be able to make a small living with my business if I can find my sewing machine and it still works otherwise it will suffer some until I can get one. Again the Universe stepped in there as well a friend who lives in another state has two machines and wants to give them to me.

Grey isn’t for clouds it is for the soft covering of the unknown.

My biggest worry at the moment is for my pets I know two of them will be great traveling companions it is the other two that I worry about adjusting to becoming nomads.

Obviously this blog has changed its intended purpose as I don’t think I will be looking to date while I find myself out on the road.

Jo