Somewhere along the way I lost who I was beyond a mother so when we split I kind of withdrew into myself to find who I was but that is almost impossible to do when you still live in the same house with your ex. Things were difficult and they finally came to a head in June when I was told to get out.
So July found me and my pets living in my van. Spent a week on a friend's couch while I finished up a week of work then down to Kentucky to a friend's place there for what was suppose to be a weekend but turned into almost two weeks before heading back to PA for a month.
In that month I learned a lot. Being alone can bring up all sorts of demons you hadn't truly faced when they first happened. Emotions can run hot and cold. Depression can dampen your soul so much that you don't think you can go on. If it hadn't been for my pets I am not sure what I would have done.
But being in this situation also has shown me who my real friends are and that has meant a lot. I don't have to put on an act anymore to make anyone feel comfortable. I have found a certain strength deep inside myself that I had forgotten I ever had.
I've learned that zucchini makes it's own type of glue to heal itself if left a bit after being cut.
I've learned how to fix many items using a bar-b-que and wood. I can bake muffins. That was a fun experiment.
I've learned that kindness still exists in the world and in many forms.
I've learned that nothing can't be achieved if you just put your mind to the task.
I've learned that having a support system is essential for well being
I've learned to sleep in different locals and sometimes sitting up.
I've learned that having hot flashes suck in the summer inside a vehicle.
I've learned that I look younger and more attractive when I have no hair.
I've learned the art of believing in the Universe.
I've learned how to appreciate the beauty around me.
I've learned how to be still in a rushing world.
I am still learning but with each sunrise something new is waiting for me to find it. My next stop is Oklahoma where I should meet up with my dad for a bit. Hopefully we can design some storage for the van so it doesn't keep looking like a bomb went off in it.
My home for the moment
Jo
