Learning to Be Me

As my profile says I got out of long term relationship which was 14 years long. I am still not sure what happened to make us split but there was a lot of things that just never really allowed us to be ourselves.

Somewhere along the way I lost who I was beyond a mother so when we split I kind of withdrew into myself to find who I was but that is almost impossible to do when you still live in the same house with your ex. Things were difficult and they finally came to a head in June when I was told to get out.

So July found me and my pets living in my van. Spent a week on a friend's couch while I finished up a week of work then down to Kentucky to a friend's place there for what was suppose to be a weekend but turned into almost two weeks before heading back to PA for a month.

In that month I learned a lot. Being alone can bring up all sorts of demons you hadn't truly faced when they first happened. Emotions can run hot and cold. Depression can dampen your soul so much that you don't think you can go on. If it hadn't been for my pets I am not sure what I would have done.

But being in this situation also has shown me who my real friends are and that has meant a lot. I don't have to put on an act anymore to make anyone feel comfortable. I have found a certain strength deep inside myself that I had forgotten I ever had.

I've learned that zucchini makes it's own type of glue to heal itself if left a bit after being cut.
I've learned how to fix many items using a bar-b-que and wood. I can bake muffins. That was a fun experiment.
I've learned that kindness still exists in the world and in many forms.
I've learned that nothing can't be achieved if you just put your mind to the task.
I've learned that having a support system is essential for well being
I've learned to sleep in different locals and sometimes sitting up.
I've learned that having hot flashes suck in the summer inside a vehicle.
I've learned that I look younger and more attractive when I have no hair.
I've learned the art of believing in the Universe.
I've learned how to appreciate the beauty around me.
I've learned how to be still in a rushing world.

I am still learning but with each sunrise something new is waiting for me to find it. My next stop is Oklahoma where I should meet up with my dad for a bit. Hopefully we can design some storage for the van so it doesn't keep looking like a bomb went off in it.

My home for the moment








Jo

Murky Waters

So the day to leave is fast approaching and I’ve only a few things left to pack before setting up the van to live in full time except I may not have to thanks to a friend who hadn’t realized just how bad things were until the other night.

I at the very least have a couch to sleep on and someone to talk to that is just a friend. She’s straight and has three kids, two cats, and a dog. Should prove interesting to add two cats and two ferrets into the mix.

Now don’t get me wrong I am extremely grateful for the roof and what may be a chaotic life but I have to wonder if the Universe isn’t testing me by offering a place that is “safe” when the reality is that I need to do the “hard” thing and get out on the road.

For the moment I am going to accept the safe option so that I can save some money and not have to worry where the fur kids and I will be sleeping after I get done working the second week in July. Then it is down to Kentucky to see a friend for the weekend and cross a couple of things off the bucket list and then back to my friend’s place for a bit to see where I want to do or go.

The fast moving water has slowed down but it is hard to see what is at the bottom due to the colors being all mixed up.

Jo