Still Learning but Getting Better at Living.

Wow it has been a long time since my last update.

End of September saw me in OK helping my dad and his girlfriend out with their apartment building and a house they own.  Dad ended up in the ER thanks to a bought of Bronchitis and severe dehydration. Thankfully he is alright health wise. But picked up a passenger named Annabelle.



From there it was onto NM and the balloon festival in Albuquerque where I got to meet a few of the women from the FB group I am in. What an awesome thing to view.



Then it was on to Arizona. Where I am now a resident even though I am still living in my van. The sunrises and sunsets are amazing.




Was going to hang out in Quartzite for a while but between the freezing night time temps and the wind blowing so hard I decided to go to CA and see my dad and my Granddaughter Charlie. I've been here since Thanksgiving.

Dad and I have built me the most awesome pantry and cabinetry for in the van. All that is left is the the separation wall for the play area for my ferrets
. as soon as the cabinetry and play area are finished will post those pictures.

The tornado that touched down on Green Valley Rd in CA was just a few miles from where my dad and his girlfriend live. In fact the street over has damage where one of the tornadoes went down the street causing a lot of damage thankfully no one was hurt.


Hoping to be back on the road soon headed back to Arizona for a little while and from there who knows.


Jo

Learning to Be Me

As my profile says I got out of long term relationship which was 14 years long. I am still not sure what happened to make us split but there was a lot of things that just never really allowed us to be ourselves.

Somewhere along the way I lost who I was beyond a mother so when we split I kind of withdrew into myself to find who I was but that is almost impossible to do when you still live in the same house with your ex. Things were difficult and they finally came to a head in June when I was told to get out.

So July found me and my pets living in my van. Spent a week on a friend's couch while I finished up a week of work then down to Kentucky to a friend's place there for what was suppose to be a weekend but turned into almost two weeks before heading back to PA for a month.

In that month I learned a lot. Being alone can bring up all sorts of demons you hadn't truly faced when they first happened. Emotions can run hot and cold. Depression can dampen your soul so much that you don't think you can go on. If it hadn't been for my pets I am not sure what I would have done.

But being in this situation also has shown me who my real friends are and that has meant a lot. I don't have to put on an act anymore to make anyone feel comfortable. I have found a certain strength deep inside myself that I had forgotten I ever had.

I've learned that zucchini makes it's own type of glue to heal itself if left a bit after being cut.
I've learned how to fix many items using a bar-b-que and wood. I can bake muffins. That was a fun experiment.
I've learned that kindness still exists in the world and in many forms.
I've learned that nothing can't be achieved if you just put your mind to the task.
I've learned that having a support system is essential for well being
I've learned to sleep in different locals and sometimes sitting up.
I've learned that having hot flashes suck in the summer inside a vehicle.
I've learned that I look younger and more attractive when I have no hair.
I've learned the art of believing in the Universe.
I've learned how to appreciate the beauty around me.
I've learned how to be still in a rushing world.

I am still learning but with each sunrise something new is waiting for me to find it. My next stop is Oklahoma where I should meet up with my dad for a bit. Hopefully we can design some storage for the van so it doesn't keep looking like a bomb went off in it.

My home for the moment








Jo

Shiny With a Chance of Internal Return

 

Only a few will get the Shiny reference but that is the point. Made it to my buddy C’s place around 11:30 pm on Friday with an eighth of a tank of gas and $2 in my pocket. Not too bad for me. Since it was night left the critters in the van.

Then C and I proceeded to scratch off one of my bucket list items. That I never thought I would fulfill because of different reasons. But I did it. What was that item? Getting drunk and stoned with a really good friend. Yes I said stoned. Something I wasn’t sure I could do to different reason but really wanted to give it a try just to experience it the right way.

Note: Do not drink and smoke on an empty stomach and a lack of sleep.

So I learned the fine art of smoking a joint and it is an art form to get it right, of which I have not lol, along with drink Jack straight from the bottle. Haven’t done that in years. Next day I remembered why.

I spent most of the next day puking my guts out and sleeping of which I guess I needed to do. At one point I fell asleep in the van and was woken up to panting animals. So with a pounding head I got the ferrets inside and later the cats who needed a cool down bath because I passed out on the floor for too long. Thankfully my cats aren’t too weird about bathes.

C and I are going to work on making screens for the van like he had for his rig. Oh have I ever mentioned that C is into survival? Some of the stuff he has stocked piled would make many laugh but I can see the uses for every thing he has. C is also making sure I have the right items for camping which is great. I think he is trying to find a way to show his appreciation of what I brought to him. We both believe the Universe provides what we need at the moment we need it.

Of one of the items on loan is a plug in the lighter coffee pot. I am going to love having that until I can get my own.I now have a small self contained fishing set up, unrefined beeswax, a camp stove, and some other C made items.

So for the moment in this adventure it is SHINY! But I hope not to repeat the internal cleansing.

Jo

Murky Waters

So the day to leave is fast approaching and I’ve only a few things left to pack before setting up the van to live in full time except I may not have to thanks to a friend who hadn’t realized just how bad things were until the other night.

I at the very least have a couch to sleep on and someone to talk to that is just a friend. She’s straight and has three kids, two cats, and a dog. Should prove interesting to add two cats and two ferrets into the mix.

Now don’t get me wrong I am extremely grateful for the roof and what may be a chaotic life but I have to wonder if the Universe isn’t testing me by offering a place that is “safe” when the reality is that I need to do the “hard” thing and get out on the road.

For the moment I am going to accept the safe option so that I can save some money and not have to worry where the fur kids and I will be sleeping after I get done working the second week in July. Then it is down to Kentucky to see a friend for the weekend and cross a couple of things off the bucket list and then back to my friend’s place for a bit to see where I want to do or go.

The fast moving water has slowed down but it is hard to see what is at the bottom due to the colors being all mixed up.

Jo

Full Spectrum: The Gauntlet

So in seven days I will be Home Free. Living in the van with two cats and two ferrets. Most of me is ready for this…at least I believe I am.

Emotions have run both high and low in the last few days. The lows are getting fewer but I am sure they will be back once I am actually in the van full time. Fear of the unknown has been the biggest low but then I remember that fear is just our mind’s way of keeping us safe from the darkness that might encompass us. I suppose it is the darkness that bothers me the most about this adventure still without darkness there can’t be light and that is what I have to focus on the light.Excitement, wonderment, happiness, joy all have been around as well and I am sure they will continue to cycle through.

I’ve been lucky with the amount of support I have received in my choosing to be Home Free. Even the few who think I should be finding a standard home are slowly coming around the reasons I am not looking for the standard at this moment. Even my dad who has been a rock is supporting me in this while his girlfriend isn’t so sure about it. Which if she had agreed to one of the few options I had I would be headed to Oklahoma instead of just the open road.

The almost non existent job had a bit of work for me so I will be getting a small check at the first of July and then I will have a week’s worth of work in July as well. That check will pay for another month of storage rent and some other items before I head to Kentucky to see a friend and cross at least one item off of my bucket list.

The strangest thing is this calm determination that has settled over me. Yes all the emotions are there but it is like they are starting to take a seat and getting ready to see where this takes us. Twenty or thirty years ago I’d be petrified about this but with the help of the internet I’ve learned things that will help me along the way and I’ve found a group of women on Face Book who do this as well. While most aren’t full time on the road there are a few and reading about their experiences is both reassuring and mind boggling. The list of resources they have is great.

Right now the biggest problem I am having is getting the last of the packing done between rain drops and the thunder boomers and well the help of one little ferret who keeps unpacking doesn’t help either.

 

Jo

Grey: The New Adventure

Things had been stagnant for sometime. The job is just in name only. I mean the only time I get paid is when I do a training video now and then for a few dollars. Mercury in retro grade did its job and now I have only days left at my place of residence but like the title says a new adventure is upon me.

The first good thing is that I now have a vehicle. A van to be exact so at the very least I will have a rolling home and lots of people are now living on the road why not me?

Two my dad, bless his soul, loaned me the money to buy the van and then some to keep me on my feet until I can get where I am suppose to go. I asked my friends on Face book where I should go and the response has been great.

The fear of things I once had has seemed to have evaporated into nothing. There is nothing for me to fear for the main fear has happened. To be tossed out with no job, no savings, no love, and at one point no vehicle.

I should be able to make a small living with my business if I can find my sewing machine and it still works otherwise it will suffer some until I can get one. Again the Universe stepped in there as well a friend who lives in another state has two machines and wants to give them to me.

Grey isn’t for clouds it is for the soft covering of the unknown.

My biggest worry at the moment is for my pets I know two of them will be great traveling companions it is the other two that I worry about adjusting to becoming nomads.

Obviously this blog has changed its intended purpose as I don’t think I will be looking to date while I find myself out on the road.

Jo

What This is All About.

This blog is about me finding myself and of my life as I step out into the dating world after a fourteen year absence. Who knows maybe some of my friends that didn't have any idea about me will find some interesting insights or I will find out who really is my friend and not just someone to hang with thinking I am straight.

Want to know a bit more about me then read The Dreaded Profile and if that doesn't clarify who I am then ask questions but be aware any questions or comments I deem to be hateful will be deleted immediately.

I believe in the right to love those we love no matter of the gender as the body is only a vessel of the soul and if we love the soul then it shouldn't matter what it looks like on the outside.

Jo